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wonders never cease Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Fourteen Sugar Free Songs

Dear Reader, We wanted to give you a dozen flowery love songs for Valentine's Day. Honest, we did. We just couldn't bring ourselves to do it. For every sappy song we found about eternity, soul mates and love at first sight, we stumbled across four or five bitter response songs that were far more enjoyable to listen to. Don't get us wrong, we're big fans of L-O-V-E. We just don't appreciate how much it gets crammed down our throats this week. So, if you need a retreat from the treacle and syrup that Hallmark's pseudo-holiday has unleashed upon the ides of February, look no further. Just click on our player and enjoy the disillusionment, pain, callous hearts and outright bitterness found in these tunes. Then get down to the shop and pick up a nice gift for your loved one lest you be left alone and despairing like the folks in these songs. Put that in a card, Hallmark!

1. Love Stinks - J. Geils Band
These boys from Worcester, Massachusetts get right to the point and stay there.

2. Don't Think Twice, It's Alright - Metric
Canadian alt-rockers cover one of Dylan's classic break-up songs.

3. Hit the Road Jack - Ray Charles
Ray Charles plays deaf and tries to argue but gets the boot nevertheless.

4. Oh Well - Fiona Apple
We suspect that we could have comprised the entire play list of Fiona Apple songs but this is the one we chose.

5. I Don't Really Love You Anymore - Magnetic Fields
Bad news accompanied by a ukelele just doesn't sound all that bad.

6. Changed The Locks - Lucinda Williams
New lock, new phone number, new car, renaming geographical locations... C'mon buddy, what's she got to do 'til you get the message?

7. Blue Valentines - Tom Waits
As is his way, Waits delves into the dark side of romance.

8. Down With Love - Judy Garland
The Kansas Dorothy returned to didn't really stack up favorably against Oz from the sound of this song.

9. Go Your Own Way - Fleetwood Mac
Original guitarist Jimmy Spencer told his band mates he was "going out for a magazine" while on tour in 1971 and instead joined a religious cult, abandoning the band and never returning. This was only the first of Fleetwood Mac's many internal breakups and affairs. This song had to be awkward for the band to play in concert.

10. Jar of Hearts - Christina Perri
This song just radiates strength drawn from pain.

11. Stupid Girl - The Rolling Stones
We're guessing the inspiration for this song may have regretted her behavior after her shortcomings were immortalized by international icons.

12. I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor
Classic post-breakup empowerment song for the heartbroken.

13. Song For The Dumped - Ben Folds Five
This song reveals why Folds once described his music as "punk rock for sissies."

14. Fifty Ways To Leave Your Lover - The Muppets
Yay! The Muppets are back closing out our play lists. And they're suitably cynical.


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